Hello Men,
Another good man bit the dust this week guys, and while the media is living it up on the wreckage his life is right now, we all need to stop and see where our own habits are leading us, then ask ourselves what kind of life is it that we want to live.
I have used this space in the past to encourage you, as a man, to step up, to speak up, show up. To stop beating around the "nice" bush and step into your life as it was meant to be. This week I read this put another way by, of course, a woman. It was a blog coming from Donald Miller's storyline website, which, by the way, if you haven't checked out yet, I urge you to do so posthaste.
In this blog, she relates that people knew her as "nice" in high school and for the ten years afterwards at which point a classmate related an incident where the classmate tripped on the stairs and the author's friends laughed at her, while the author stood by and did nothing.
That led to this excerpt from her blog:
But now, as I thought through the past ten years of my life, I realized being "nice" wasn't doing for me what I wanted it to do.
Being "nice" was preventing me from saying what I thought about things.
It prevented me from telling my friends that I thought laughing at someone for tripping on the stairs was rude (for fear of being too harsh or judgmental) and prevented me from telling the girl who tripped that I knew how she felt. I'd been laughed at, too.
I wouldn't want that girl to feel like I was singling her out, or overstepping my bounds.
I wouldn't want my friends to feel like I was rejecting them.
It prevented me, years later, from expressing political opinions or theological opinions or even opinions about where I wanted to eat dinner — which in turn prevented me from having authentic, meaningful relationships with people. In some cases, friends would beg me to say what I thought, but instead of being honest, I would mimic those around me, and then (of course) feel invisible.
When you can't tell the truth about yourself, you cease to exist as a person.
Being "nice" kept me from doing what I was made to do.
Trying to manage my "nice girl" image kept me trapped, working to control other's opinions of me, rather than doing what I knew was right. I couldn't send an e-mail or even a tweet without hours of deliberation. I stayed on the margins of my life, scared to get into the thick of things, terrified that I was going to hurt someone, or offend someone, or mess everything up.
I avoided jobs I wanted, parties I wished I could attend, and friendships I longed for, with the excuse that they could be the wrong job, wrong party, wrong relationship, or that I would make a mess of them.
If I didn't do anything, I couldn't do anything wrong. Right?
I'm starting to see how doing nothing is sometimes the worst thing you can do.
Well put, my friend, well put. That's not all. In my encouragement for men to step up, I have been accused of being a jerk and asking other men to be jerks. Well, maybe I have, but that's not my intention. This blog author addresses this by pointing out the difference between being nice and being kind:
For some, the words might be interchangeable. But for me, it helps to make a distinction.
. Niceness stays quiet. Kindness speaks up.
. Niceness is toxic. Kindness is healing.
. Niceness lies to keep the peace. Kindness knows the only way to make peace is to tell the truth.
Niceness holds back. Kindness moves forward with humility, gentleness and grace.
Two great truths.
When you can't tell the truth about yourself, you cease to exist as a person. (you are, at this point, a minion for the fallen voices of this world)
Kindness knows the only way to make peace is to tell the truth.
What courage and faith is needed to live like that.
I can promise you men, you will get a chance to lie about yourself before the day is out. You will get a chance to tell the truth in a sticky situation before the weekend is over. You will get a chance to be courageous on behalf of someone else before a week goes by. Take that as an opportunity from God to step up and show His kindness flowing through you. It will be a feeling you will want more of.
Here's to courageous kindness transforming the world around you.
Your Brother
Alex
